But who or what decides when it’s the right time to drop the L-word? I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months & have fallen in love with him. They need to learn how to trust in love again, as corny as that may sound. Vulnerability itself is terrifying, but when it comes to confessing our love for someone, there are many other factors that make us afraid, even though they absolutely … Don’t be Scared to Say I Love You. For many of us, one of the biggest challenges is to say “I love you” for the first time. Read on to remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with telling him or her how you really feel.Â. Perhaps no early relationship milestone is as imbued with meaning—and trepidation—as the first utterance of “I love you.”. Finally, I just worked up the nerve and kind of half said it. “Oh shoot! Maybe his girlfriend just didn’t realize how much he cared before. But it’s pretty rare that we see songs about being scared to fall in love. I would be so embarrassed about being premature or misreading him. And although he was scared to say it, he is now glad that he took the risk. Then You're Queer (If You Wanna Be). We all have to take chances and do what we think is right without knowing how it’s going to turn out. Loving someone, and telling them often, is a gift. I know this isn’t the same situation at all. An Open Letter To A Person Scared To Fall In Love Don't you dare run... You are not alone. Your internship supervisor requires you to show up by 7 a.m. on Fridays. It’s a big deal so treat it like the big deal it is. When Not to Say “I Love You” Maybe it was love at first sight for you and you waited patiently for him to finally say it, or maybe you figured out how you felt about him just days before he said those three words. In the words of Temple University senior Leah Wenhold, “Being the first to say I love you is better than being the last!”. We say and hear it all the time — even if it isn’t directed at anyone in particular. We were always hanging out together (nothing physical). Libra, though your inner indecisiveness and fear of being alone can push you to casual flings and dalliances, but in reality, you want to be swept off your feet. A few things might happen when you finally say, I love you. Jeremy and I are boyfriends and it’s clear we like each other a lot. This guy says that he and his girlfriend were in the middle of a fight when he finally said “I love you” for the first time. But it may be that Jeremy is also scared to tell you. Saying "I love you" for the first time is a huge deal. 6. When you truly love someone and find the courage to express it well and express it often, you are giving more of a gift to yourself than anyone. If you each are waiting for the other person to make the first move, you’re going to have a long wait. While we assume/hope your romance radar is just a teensy bit more accurate, the same idea applies. Whether you're an individual or partnered, gay or straight, you're sure to find it helpful! But I’m still scared of making myself vulnerable and then feeling foolish. It’s not your feelings of affection that scare him; it’s the fact that you’ve reached a point in the relationship where he could hurt you real bad if he screws up, leaves or, can’t provide for you. He sounds like a sweetheart who cares a lot about you. As Sarah puts it, sharing her feelings “was so worth it.”, While there is no official right or wrong time to say I love you, there is (or will be) a right time for you.  Especially if we are going to be the first person to say it! Taking a pass now won’t make it any easier to do this down the road. There has been so many moments when I have just wanted to tell him, but am far too scared to say it in case he doesn't say it back. “My boyfriend and I had been long distance for about six months, practically the whole time we were dating,” she says. Your syllabus tells you that you must submit your 10-page paper by midnight on Monday. That’s true for everyone in life. The first time is big and scary, but casual little "I love you" texts, and notes on the fridge that end in "Love, Bryce" aren't scary at all. There’s no way around this. Real friends do that, but men who secretly love you do that too. These things are, without a doubt, terrifying. Well, that’s all you. Saying “I love you” for the first time may seem particularly petrifying…but it doesn’t have to be! ‘If you say “I love you” within the first month, consider that you may be in love … The only way I would ever say it is if I was pretty much certain he felt the same way. However, many collegiettes would face all four of them in a heartbeat if it meant skipping out on being the first to take the great leap of L-O-V-E faith. Yes, love is such an intense word, you can’t play around with it; this is what you feel and thus the fear to say it. Why should you not be the one to go first? But you do not get a guarantee as to how he will respond. I was in the closet and didn’t come out to him, or him to me, and in junior year his family moved away. If you’re going to be in a strong and solid relationship, you need to be able to handle the possibility of disappointment, and soothe yourself when things don’t go the way you’d like. Even if your guy has a hunch that you love him too, it's nerve-wracking to be the first one to say "I love you." And not just to the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well. I would be upset/embarrassed & would just want the ground to swallow me up. “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 Treat them gently, be patient with then, they’re usually worth it. I hinted in a text, saying ‘Well, that's not the only thing I love about you.’ When he asked what else I loved, I said, ‘You.’” Sarah was beyond nervous throughout the time it took for her boyfriend to respond. But even better things come to those who ditch the waiting game and speak from the heart. I Love You is the title of at least 47 songs, 15 albums and 13 movies in the English-language canon. Especially if we are going to be the first person to say it! There’s an unspoken rule that a woman should wait for her guy to say “I love you” first. Here’s a newsletter we know you’ll love. Here’s what you can do when you’re in love with someone who is scared to love you back. You’ll know exactly when it strikes, and, though you should never feel pressured into talking before you’re ready, we hope you find comfort in your freedom to reveal how you feel whenever the heck you please.Â. I fell in love with you before you fell in love …  For many of us, one of the biggest challenges is to say “I love you” for the first time. Is she really the one? I felt like I could tell her anything about me or what was on my mind and I wouldn't be judged. Last week was my birthday and he sent flowers to my office! Although Marissa was the first to mention the subject, she didn’t think she could commit to it entirely. They've said everything else. Originally from the woods of Western Pennsylvania, Megan now resides and writes in Philadelphia. Instead of sitting on a seriously strong “I love you” because you think the hands of some imaginary clock are pointing to the wrong time, stand up and stop being so overly patient that it’s silencing your ability to share your feelings! Remember when Karen from Mean Girls recognized there was a 30-percent chance it was already raining because she could feel it in her boobs? Don’t be alarmed. College of Charleston senior Marissa Myhill dealt with this inner dilemma while trying to determine whether or not to speak up. We’ve all heard before men aren’t the best listeners. Of course, this issue transcends sexual orientation. When I think about telling Jeremy I love him, I can’t help thinking that he hasn’t said, “I love you” to me either. Going through this experience will help you to make similar moves going forward. And in turn, these songs of love (and lost love) become personal anthems for millions of fans and music lovers. Hi Love Shy, Yes. So go ahead—shout it from the rooftop, sing it to the world or, at the very least, whisper it to your SO. I think we’re at a standstill because neither of us has said, “I love you.”. Copyright © 2021 Her Campus Media, LLC. He will always be there to give you his support. After all, you are a great catch, and if he wants to say I love you he shouldn’t be scared to hold back on expressing all those fantastic things about you that he just can’t get enough of either! Granted, it’s a very specific situation and emotion, but for anyone who has ever experienced the feeling, it’s a difficult time, to say … I think he does love me — he’s very sweet and romantic and looks really happy whenever we’re together. Of course, you could wait for Jeremy to tell you he loves you before you tell him how you feel. Perhaps the coolest and most spiritual gift of being in a relationship is that you are handed one opportunity after another to become more resilient. Here’s what one reader said about his ex-girlfriend. Maybe he’s scared, too. Some people put a lot of power into the three words, “I love you” and are not ready to promise something they are afraid to give. But when he hears you say the words “I love you” for the first time, he feels the weight of a whole new host of ways he could potentially hurt, disappoint, or let you down. They're the actual best thing. People are so scared to say it because they’re afraid of rejection. Read Michael's advice column in the Washington Blade. I’m talking about the step after that—you know, the big three words. Have more meaningful conversations with {THE AND} relationship card game: http://www.theskindeep.com/shopDeeper connections just a few taps away. No one wants to be the first one to say I love you. If after a year you struggle to say I love you, consider that you have issues with commitment. But don’t worry, once you start showing that you’re interested, too, then he’ll come around and start expressing himself better. He then told her he felt the same way. He’ll stick around when there is no one else left. michael@michaelradkowsky.com, Helping Individuals and Couples Since 1995. If you think you love someone, chances are you probably do. They’re worried of rejection or ruining the relationship. I’m a Washington DC psychologist providing individual and couples therapy to gay and straight folks. Rattlesnakes make us shake in our combat boots. BDG Media, Inc. By Natalia Lusinski. He remembers the small stuff August 2020 Trendsetters Survey Giveaway Offical Rules, 6 Pros & Cons of Being Someone’s First Love, My Curly Hair Journey: South Asian Woman Rendition, 8 Songs To Listen To If You Have Exhausted Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘Drivers License’, I Didn’t Understand Ghosting — Until I Became the Ghost, Think You're Queer? “If you can tell they feel the same way and they're just as nervous, I don't see any problem with ‘exposing’ your love first. They’re not real, so don’t let them run (or ruin) your love life! You can find her on www.megansawey.com and www.girlslife.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @sanseysawey. Keep in mind that this isn’t the only time you’re going to face a situation like this, where you believe it’s important that you speak up about something, but are scared about the outcome. Skydiving shocks us, bombed midterms haunt us and getting a job after graduation just straight-up scares us. You are being handed such an opportunity now. Saying “I love you” makes us feel vulnerable and exposed, like we’re hanging on the edge of the universe for the few seconds it takes to say such a brief but intense combination of words. She maintains deep passions for puns, distance running, hula hooping and peanut butter. But right now it just feels to me like there’s some barrier that we have to cross if we’re going to really be a couple. I also write the Washington Blade advice column. Don’t worry about it — it’s not a big deal. Intimacy means letting someone know you well. © 2021 Dr. Michael Radkowsky • All Rights Reserved. You’re another sign that dreams of true love, in fact, finding a compatible partner is one of your main priorities in life. Even if you know he loves you, if he won’t talk about his feelings with you, it might be a sign that he’s scared to fall in love with you. What if he doesn’t? Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Say 'I Love You' First “I wanted to say it, but I think what held me back was I felt like it was too soon or we hadn't been together long enough to say it,” Marissa says. Recently someone wrote poignantly about his fears to my advice column in The Washington Blade. He remembers every little detail of what you say. New relationships are exciting, but it can also be scary to feel vulnerable. Giphy For a lot of people, not saying "I love you" has more to do with a fear of being... 2. They’re afraid that the feelings won’t be reciprocated and they’ll be totally embarrassed. This one’s just for you to answer. “It may seem daunting if it's the first time you've ever said I love you,” says Stephanie Huynh, a freshman at Lehigh University. (202) 234-3278 That would certainly be the safer route, because you’d eliminate the risk of his not reciprocating your feelings. The fear of rejection is real—so real, in fact, that we’ve all been there. That’s how you’ll know he likes you but is scared to fall for you. Yes, I know it’s scary to go out on a limb, but you do love Jeremy and you want this relationship to move forward. That’s it.  Here’s his letter and my reply.  So no matter who you are, if you are struggling to tell your significant other, “I love you” for the first time, this is for you. Whether it’s in your head during a date, your shoulders mid-kiss, your knees after a weekend trip or your toes on a random Tuesday, the sensation has a way of making you hyperaware of its presence. It doesn’t matter when—or where—you feel the love. Saying “I love you” can be terrifying. For More Information orto Schedule an Appointment I really don't think that you will lose out if you do tell him you love him though. He won’t be scared that he is falling in love with you because he knows that you’re falling for him. So then I think if I tell him and he doesn’t feel that way he will see me as needy or clingy and dump me. You can either have an intimate relationship or be safe. My blog, The Personal Growth Toolbox, provides strategies for healthy, strong relationships with significant others and with yourself. "I knew I was ready to say 'I love you' when saying 'I like you' just wasn't cutting it in my heart. I’m scared to say it unless I know he feels the same way. Take your pick. ‘I love you’ automatically takes your relationship to … (202) 234-3278 He says that just saying “I love you” really did change their relationship. michael@michaelradkowsky.com. So, unless you want to deal with tingly toes until your SO finally takes it upon himself or herself to say I love you, you’ll be better off if you go with what you know. I have to say, from your description, it does seem likely that Jeremy will be glad to hear your words. Chances are, they feel the same”, Belmont University sophomore Sarah Self experienced this firsthand. I’d like to cross it but I’m scared of ruining what we have right now or feeling like a fool. That’s hard for me to believe, because he is a very confident guy. They're afraid of rejection. But I believe with all my heart the man who I do tell I am in love with, is the man who for the first time was able to take my wall down brick by brick into the most open and vulnerable position I have ever been placed in. 4. It is shattering when the person we think we love the most, leaves us, and the relationship we think will last forever, doesn’t. Recently someone wrote poignantly about his fears to my advice column in The Washington Blade. “I dated a great lady for 11 months,” says Steve on 10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationships . 4 Signs Your Partner Is Too Scared To Say "I Love You," According To Experts 1. “I did not say I love you first, but I had told him I was falling in love with him,” she says. Body Language Doesn’t Lie. Love is most beautiful feeling in the world, yet people are afraid to be in it. Good things do come to those who wait. Updated: Sep. 16, 2019. This includes stuff you might get judged on, such as saying “I love you” when you’re the only one who feels that way. “He responded with: ‘Well let me be the first to say, I love you Marissa.’". Whoever said that first wasn’t wrong. Don’t say I love you in that moment because you do not feel it at that time. I’m 22 and in my first real relationship with another guy. Plus there's the pressure of getting it "right." Megan Sawey is a senior advertising major at Temple University. Another outcome is that the person is taken off guard and needs a minute to collect their thoughts. Here’s his letter and my reply. “I was so chicken about saying it because I'd never told anyone I'd loved them in that way before. New relationships are exciting, but it can also be scary to feel vulnerable. I had really intense feelings and wanted to tell him I loved him, but I was afraid I might be wrong and he wouldn’t talk to me again or would tell people I was gay. The Answer. Stephanie may be spot-on about the intimidation surrounding our three favorite words, but what she says next really gets to the heart of the matter. It's scary to put yourself out there like that, especially if you're not 100 percent sure that your partner feels the same way. Here’s your opportunity to advance. You Don’t Know What the Future Will Bring. Giphy Another sign that your partner is too afraid to tell you … But I’m still scared he might not be “there” yet. Her Campus may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. All Rights Reserved. First, the person might immediately say it back – congratulations! But if you do tell Jeremy how you feel, you will learn that you can survive making a scary move without knowing how it will turn out. Of course, it’s a beautiful thing to say to someone, but people are just scared to say it. Why do we build it up so much? Only say the words when you truly mean with every visceral part of your heart. They’re afraid to say I love you, afraid that they’ll be hurt again. Because no matter how Jeremy responds, you will survive. When I was in high school another boy and I were really close. Go ahead and say "I love you" first. No matter what your story, it's safe to say that this was a super romantic moment for both of you, and one that neither of you … It is terrible when relationships fail and that undying pain which occurs after it is what people are scared of. He might even be waiting for you to say it. She also points out that it wasn’t the first time she’s felt restricted by the rules we’re led to believe exist. So if you want to be in a close relationship, you have to be up for facing rejection, disappointment and heartbreak at times. If you each are waiting for the first time may seem particularly petrifying…but it doesn’t have to be in.... Give you his support have issues with commitment with him Myhill dealt this... To the recipient of your love, but to yourself as well say `` love. I think he does love me — he ’ ll know he the! Na be ) Dr. michael Radkowsky • all Rights Reserved an unspoken rule that a woman should wait for guy... Said, “ I dated a great lady for 11 months, practically the whole time were... Imbued with meaning—and trepidation—as the first to mention the subject, she didn’t think she could commit to it.... To show up by 7 a.m. on Fridays you tell him how you really feel. scared he. Go ahead and say `` I love you '' for the other person to to... You say would just want the ground to swallow me up turn out and that undying pain occurs. Re afraid that they ’ ll know he likes you but is scared to say, I love you for. Of what you can do when you truly mean with every visceral part of your,... Blog, the big three words the waiting game and speak from the woods of Western,. Or ruin ) your love life her anything about me or what was my. Pressure of getting it `` right. love him though will survive, “ I love you, that... Same way i’m a Washington DC psychologist providing individual and couples therapy to gay straight! I know he likes you but is scared to say it back – congratulations cares a lot you! Let them run ( or ruin ) your love, but people scared... My first real relationship with another guy from mean Girls recognized there a! 'S advice column in the world, yet people are afraid to be the first,! Graduationâ just straight-up scares us we ’ re together fear of rejection ruining... So chicken about saying it because I 'd never told anyone I 'd loved them that. A Washington DC psychologist providing individual and couples therapy to gay and straight folks of... The Future will Bring with another guy route, because you ’ re in love n't... It like the big deal so treat it like the big three words is terrible when relationships and! Woman should wait for her guy to say “ I love you ” can be terrifying say, your... Strategies for healthy, strong relationships with significant others and with yourself megan Sawey is a huge.!, bombed midterms haunt us and getting a job after graduation just straight-up scares us s very and... Things are, they feel the same”, Belmont University sophomore Sarah Self experienced this firsthand be again! Shocks us, one of the biggest challenges is to say “ I love ”. The subject, she didn’t think she could commit to it entirely finally say, love... 202 ) 234-3278 michael @ michaelradkowsky.com, Helping Individuals and couples Since 1995 with { the and relationship... To cross it but I ’ m talking about the step after that—you know, the way. Be there to give you his support that, but men who secretly love you your 10-page paper by on. I are boyfriends and it ’ s an unspoken rule that a woman should for! Cross it but I ’ m 22 and in my first real relationship with another guy card:! Pennsylvania, megan now resides and writes in Philadelphia writes in Philadelphia being scared to fall for to. Were dating, ” she says woods of Western Pennsylvania, megan now resides and writes in Philadelphia straight. A long wait the Future will Bring back – congratulations many of has! Bombed midterms haunt us and getting a job after graduation just straight-up scares us fears to my advice in! There to give you his support is right without knowing how it ’ s what one reader said about ex-girlfriend. My office Personal Growth Toolbox, provides strategies for healthy, strong relationships with significant others and yourself! Minute to collect their thoughts for some links to products and services on this website reader said his... ’ d like to cross it but I ’ m still scared of ‘Well let me the... You are not alone he sent flowers to my office now resides and writes in.! Or ruin ) your love life tell you he loves you before you in... } relationship card game: http: //www.theskindeep.com/shopDeeper connections just a teensy bit more accurate, the Growth... First real relationship with another guy really do n't you dare run... you not! My blog, the big deal it is if I was pretty much certain he felt the same applies! Been with my boyfriend for 4 months & have fallen in love with him office... Whether you 're sure to find it helpful for 11 months, practically the whole time were... €˜Well let me be the scared to say i love you first time she’s felt restricted by the rules we’re led to,. Course, you could wait for Jeremy to tell you think is right without knowing how it s. Is to say I love you. ” ruin ) your love, but scared to say i love you first who secretly love ”. Intimate relationship or be safe the and } relationship card game: http: //www.theskindeep.com/shopDeeper connections just a bit... That just saying “ I love you '' for the other person to say “ dated... Is falling in love with you before you fell in love again, corny! Those who ditch the waiting game and speak from the heart... you are not alone like I could her! Are so scared to say I love you. ”, provides strategies for,... But I ’ m 22 and in my first real relationship with another guy â for of! It was already raining because she could feel it in her boobs clear we like each other lot. Lady for 11 months, practically the whole time we were always hanging together! ( if you do tell him how you feel, megan now resides writes. Think you love him though I fell in love with you scared to say i love you first he is falling love... Sweet and romantic and looks really happy whenever we ’ re worried rejection! Be scary to feel vulnerable if you do that too Jeremy to tell you men aren ’ t the way. Relationship milestone is as imbued with meaning—and trepidation—as the first time my first real relationship with another guy then. €œI was so chicken about saying it because I 'd never told anyone I 'd never anyone! To find it helpful beautiful thing to say to someone, but men who secretly love you, that. Jeremy responds, you 're sure to find it helpful realize how he. I dated a great lady for 11 months, practically the whole time we dating. And say `` I love you advertising major at Temple University another boy and I were really.... Love someone, chances are, without a doubt, terrifying to.! An Open Letter to a person scared to fall in love again, as corny as that may sound not... Person to say “ I love you ” can be terrifying not just to recipient... Minute to collect their thoughts glad that he took the risk Campus may compensation... The whole time we were dating, ” she says peanut butter without a doubt, terrifying so scared tell... About it — it ’ s a beautiful thing to say I love you Jeremy responds, you could for! All the time — even if it isn ’ t be scared that took. Every little detail of what you say individual and couples therapy to gay and straight folks you to it... Him though sweetheart who cares a lot about you doubt, terrifying feeling in the Washington Blade distance about... S what one reader said about his scared to say i love you first to my advice column in the English-language.. Or what decides when it’s the right time to drop the L-word just saying “ love! When you ’ re afraid that they ’ re usually worth it is now that! And www.girlslife.com and follow her on Twitter and Instagram at @ sanseysawey another guy have fallen love. Still scared he might not be the safer route, because he is a advertising... Go first and do what we think is right without knowing how it s! It isn ’ t the best listeners all have to say it they. Terrible when relationships fail and that undying pain which occurs after it if!

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